I was so preoccupied with my sadness that I missed the Party Mrs. Kathy invited me to. It was from 12-3pm. I'm sitting ony bed listening to Motown Christmas songs and didn't pay attention to the time. Sigh. Mr roommate Jacob had a wonderful surprise of family all morning. I awoke to laughter and happy chatter. (scared the crap out of me) At least someone was not forgotten today. I guess I'll get back into bed and cry myself back to sleep.
It's Christmas Eve and I have yet to receive one hug. I have no religious affiliation but I miss family time. The smells of food, the stories of years passed and kids laughing and arguing. I miss watching my older cousins get drunk and argue of the same stuff I've been hearing since I was 6. I miss my grandma, Rosa Mae Truitt, may she rest in peace. I have been feeling empty for the last couple of days but really trying to ignore it. I'm hoping that the party I'm invited to tomorrow will ease my holiday blues. At least I get to video chat with 3 of my siblings. I will have to wait on those hugs.
I've had many days of wasted nothing while waiting for work to start back for me. I've been in limbo waiting for my state certification for security guard for almost a month. I had high hopes to purchase my first laptop during Xmas sales in order to be ready for school in February. That's not happening. I've only managed to get in one full day of work last week and nothing this week you know today is Monday the week of Christmas. I did however get to go to George Faison's birthday party at the closing of "Ain't Misbehavin".
I really needed that kind of fun. I ran into Jackie Jeffries who was the lady who introduced me to George. For some reason I thought she was darker. I sat and chatted with her the entire time telling her about my road to Broadway and how I came to be at Sugar Bar. She was amazed at what I've done and what I was going through and was very encouraging. She also said that I was in the right place with the right people. She introduced me to some Broadway legend in choreography and performance. I was asked to seeing happy birthday when the cake was brought out. After that I was asked to sing another song and because George choreographed the Wiz I saying "Home". I meant to have someone record it for me I was so nervous I forgot . By the time I finished singing Mr Faison was in tears sitting on the side of the stage people were recording me that I didn't know and they was a very long applause. About my thanks to the crowd and his face on and went to sit down only to be stopped by LaChanze. She admonished me for not accepting all of my applause. I told her it made me nervous. Lol. I SAT and talked with her for awhile about how I came to be at the party. She is a really nice person. Jackie kept telling her and other people that they should take me under their wing and groom me and be my mentor, which I thought was really nice of her to do. There was a lot of food there and people trickle in and out of the party. After some young men were introduced to they did spoken word through a very loose rap. They were apart of Mr Faisons out reach programme where he support young talent. After they performed they were supposed to dance but the music stopped working for a while and in the interim I was asked to sing another song. this time Mr . Faison pick the song and asked me to sing "And I am Telling You". He reminded me to watch the ending because it was messed up the last two times I've sung it sugar bar. I was ready for it though. By the time I finish singing there was a mountainous applause. LaChanze held her hand up as if to say stay but I was not moving already. It was so hard to stand there while they kept applauding but I did it! when I got off the stage I told her "see I'm a quick learner". We both shared a laugh and I hugged her. When she came back to where Jackie and I were sitting, she and Jackie were talking about passing the time to the next generation and Broadway And she told me I was it! I think it's funny that no one can guess my real age but I guess that will take me far in this business. I was asked to go to another party that night but I really didn't want to leave. I stayed and danced with the dancers from Mr Faison's dance company. They were nice enough to indulge my dreams of being a dancer by letting me join in their sporadic choreography. I had the time of my life until my feet gave out. Lol. I left around midnight and I was so excited that I couldn't even sleep on the train even though it was an hour long ride I'm looking forward to many more nights of greatness and great people!
One moment up in the next I'm back to real life. I finally got called into work at my new position in security. They tell me I have to be in by 630 so I'm up at 4 a.m. To make sure I'm early. I signed in 6 :14 and they have the nerve to tell me I can't work! I'm being told that my security license is not in the system so now I have to go home. WTF! There is no way I'm going home after getting up so early and traveling all this way through Queens New York. I told them I will wait for the supervisor to come to work and try to work something out. The site manager shows up around 730 and create a job for me for the day. I literally spent all my time in a very large storage closet organizing uniform and inventory. The good part is I got paid to work inside for a change. The bad part, that was the last day I will be working this week. They tell me the system doesn't update until next Monday and I can't officially start work until then. On the bright side, I still have a paperwork to file for school and paperwork from jury duty in Georgia that I have to find and send back. So I do have something to do it just won't bring me any money. Come on Thursday!
The Sugar Bar is so my happy place. I was a bit annoyed because my friend Renee from the shelter invited a friend that had no money to come join us. I didn't realize that when I asked her to come with me that she couldn't pay the door cover. She kept saying "I ain't got no money " but I insisted that Renee come anyway. I forgot that I'm the only one getting in free of a cover charge. I also missed her intention when she asked me if it was ok that she invite Denise. I won't be making that misunderstanding again. Let me back up to how my day started. I didn't see Renee until 10pm.
It was lightly snowing yesterday morning as I walked the two blocks up the street to the library. In order to finish up my paperwork to get into AMDA I had to print out some papers and fax in. I was feeling really good because I was taking it slow because I was committed to going out that night. From the library I walked two more blocks to the cleaners to pick up some of my items. (Danny wasn't there thank goodness) I got back to my room and ran into Sonya the landlord. She wanted me to get a box for her when it came. I had no problem with that. A while after she left (maybe 30 minutes) it gets colder upstairs. I could feel the cold creeping through my arms to my fingertips. I immediately text Sonya that the temperature was dropping and her reply was "it's on a timer". That seems to be what she does when she leaves the house. He drops the temperature down so the heat not come on unless it's below freezing in the house and turns it back up when you come home. But her excuse is its on a timer whenever one of us mentions the temperature is uncomfortable upstairs. She keeps trying to make it seem like I have an issue because I'm from the south but the other roommate feel the same cold that I do. I'm just the only one that is very vocal about it. I got fed up with being cold and refused to stay under the covers for the rest of the evening so I got up and left. Googled target and found one, three buses away.
School had let out by then and there were children everywhere. The bus was packed and loud. Sonya called me to see if her package has arrived. I told her it was too cold for me to sit in the house so I left. She was clearly irritated and hung up on me pretending like she couldn't hear me. That is the last phone call I will ever take from her. She has been so rude and dismissive that I can no longer be polite so for the next two months I will avoid her to keep from cussing her out. It's a shame that I was so excited to see a simple Target store but I was! I found a space heater and a onesie with feet! Triumphant! So how did I manage to get lost on my way back home but still having the exact same buses that I used to get there? It only took me 40 minutes to get to target but an hour and a half to find my way home. I was cold I had gotten rained on and could have easily decided to stay in but I refuse to miss another night at the Sugar Bar.
Alex was the first face I saw when I walked in. I hope met Renee and her friend at the train station so after we paid to get in you went upstairs and got the only table that was not reserved. It was packed in there already and it was only 10 o'clock. The upstairs bar was full of people and despite having to pay for others I still had a little money to eat. I realize that at that point I hadn't eaten since breakfast. I ordered the wings because they looked so good on other people's plates. One plain and one BBQ. there were so many talented people singing that night. I met a guy from Mexico who was a contestant in the Mexican idol. He was so cute! He had this really sweet face and an Elvis look. There was all kinds of laughter and good energy around sugar bar all night. It was finally my turn to sing towards the end of the first half of the set. I decided to seeing the song from Dreamgirls "and I'm telling you". The piano player didn't know it so Mrs. Simpson had to play it for me. That part alone made my night. I felt so special even though she play song for everybody. I just never had the privilege for the honor so for me it is the bees knees!
I've never been nervous or scared to sing that song before but for some reason I was a little jittery. I completely skipped the bridge and told the band and take it all home. When I finish the song the entire place went wild with cheers! It feels so validating to be appreciated and to be seen so many people. Especially to be seen by people I admire and respect. Before the night was over I was approached by a booking agent. That has never happened before and I could really use the work so I look forward to talking to him later. Before the night was over I did get to see George Faison again and Mrs.Kathy. To my surprise they both invited me to parties before the year is out. Looks like I won't have a sad lonely holiday after all.
Today starts a day I will regret for months.It is snowing. Yeah, I know I moved up north. Yes I was aware it was coming and yes I could have left and came back in the spring but damn I hate it. I have dreaded this for the last 5 months. I was all packed up and set to sing at Times Square today. I had checked the forecast and it wasn't supposed to start until 10pm but it was snowing around 1pm instead.
Good job meteorologists. Well, I looked good for nothing but at least I looked good. I did not go to the city. I lost a glove but found Ben & Jerry's ice cream instead and went home to a cold house. I swear, me and this landlady will be at odds real soon if she keeps this up. She is trying to pinch pennies and turn the heat off when she leaves the house. (She lives in the downstairs apartment). Yet she has a clause in the lease stating we can't have space heaters. I may be facing removal. lol I'm not gonna keep asking her to turn on this damn heat!
I'm still riding high off my great news of having a full scholarship but my almost date fell off already. I was so ready to be swept off my feet by a strong New Yorker. I guess Danny will not be the one. Smh. I mean, how do you destroy something before it even starts? Are men that clueless? Have sluts really created that kind of confidence in dudes that make them think they can have it their way? Let me give you the story.
We met that night for coffee and he invited me over for a movie. Of course I declined. Told him I wasn't comfortable with that and I like to take things slowly. (shouldn't have had to say that) . The next day while I'm at work, he texts good morning. We had very brief texts because I couldn't use my phone while working. After work me and my new roommate Jacob hung out at the Metropolitan Museum of Art because we were both bored at home. Danny texts asking if I wanted to come by his house as friends and watch movies. I told him "not yet. Plus I'm out tonight at the museum". His response wasn't what I expected. He said " Im not trying to fuck you were just friends". This is his actual words I'm copying from the text he sent. I told him, I'm sure, I just can't. His response was " But hey sorry for imposing. Have a wonderful evening". I'm so annoyed at this point. My roommate Jacob tried hard to be on his side but couldn't. Jacob even tried to help me best navigate my response because he could tell I was gonna blow up. He told me to reply that he wasn't imposing. He was. Lol
I didn't expect to hear from Danny today as I didn't hear from him last night after being let down. Around 1100 hours he sent the standard morning greeting. He then followed it up with asking me to come watch a movie at his place if I'm up to it later. Wait, what? I feel like I'm in a twilight zone! Ok so at this point there is no more pussy footing around from me. My reply was " I'm not. What I said at Starbucks still stands. If that's not ok with you then we can discontinue contact". He then had the audacity to say that I was being rude! Told me "Bye". WTH! THEN almost three hours later after getting no response from me hits me up with " Hey it's not going to work. But we can be friends . If you like if not take care gorgeous". Really? I dodged a bullet of selfish insanity with this one.
Too many times warning flags are waving about a person and we ignore them. "I'll give him/her a chance. Maybe I'm making a big deal out of nothing. I need to be with someone, might as well be him/her". Screw that! lol I admit that it gets lonely being single. I miss having someone's arms to rest in and hearing a familiar mans voice at the end of the day. I want someone to rub my feet that I don't have to tip afterwards. I miss having someone to cook for or that would surprise me with dinner or gifts. But I will not go against my instincts. It's the one thing I've learned to trust over the years that's always on point. Desperation leads to very bad decisions that will ultimately end you up right back where you were, single or worse, with kids and single. I tell my family and friends the same thing (one day they will listen) a person has to be right for you not forced into it. This guy (like others) is playing a game I'm hip to. I fell for stuff like this in my twenties. I've learned better so I do better. Don't go along with situations that I know I'm not comfortable with in order to make someone else happy.
No one wants to hear how I've been in limbo from work at the new job while begging for days at the old job. No one wants to hear about how I've been suffering with horrible pain in my elbow everyday since April but went to the ER last night and got a shot that actually worked. The pain isn't completely gone but this is the closet it's been since before my injury. No one wants to know about how I met a tall good looking karate intructor while dropping off my dry cleaning and I'm meeting him tonight for tea. I know what you though! Getting my mail from the shelter was the best thing I've done all day!
It clearly said I'm getting a FULLY AWARDED SCHOLARSHIP! All I have to do is be on my game and keep the standards. Nothing hard, 3.0, follow rules and be awesome! I can do that! I'm missing two of my recommendations but one was sent in today and the other should be in by tomorrow. Can you say GEEKED?! I do however need to pay this deposit of $700 by the tenth and submit my registration packet. I'll be working on that tomorrow. My smile hurts!
My first "coffee " date went well. I had tea he, double espresso with light whipped cream. We met at the Dunkin Doughnuts close to me. I walked the 5 blocks kinda quickly. Most of that was because of the cold and part nerves. I didn't do much dating outside of my friend pool before so strange guys make me nervous. Weird huh? I've been single for six years so Its easy to say that I'm really out of practice. (understatement) He was late but texting me the entire time. He was coming from school. His name is Danny. His last name is an Italian one that I can't spell or remember. Smh. He was born to white and Latino parents but adopted by Italians. He has a 3yr old son and he's 39. Good grief, his thighs are as small as my arm. I had to keep my mind in the game and not have body issues right now.
We talked about our families and how abnormal a start we both had. His eyes were dark and his gaze was so intense I was weak. lol He asked me "what made you give me your number"? I told him "I decided to give it a shot. The only way I will meet anyone is to meet strangers and well, you asked". I will admit that it totally threw me off when he did. We were in the dry cleaners and as I waited for them to price my items he spoke saying "good morning. "how are you"? I half turned to him to reply because I didn't know he had come in and replied, "fine thanks, and you"? Nothing big. As my clothes were being gathered he asked me if I would take down his number amd as he wrote his down on paper I told him I would give him mine. In my head I'm thinking "I hope he has a phone ". It's a common thing around here to see flip phones still being used here but he pulled out a smart phone. I try not to judge.