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10/1/2019 28 Comments

2018 Lessons learned

b The day of the royal wedding had arrived and my manager and I were supposed to go to the city. She said she had seen enough of them but agreed to take me but she changed her mind and said she wanted to stay in and just watch it.  After all the talk of traffic and such I sat and watched it too. I was still in the country and that was alright with me. I went up to the room and got on my xbox for a while to talk to some folks back home when she called me down. She seemed off and upset for some reason that I had no idea of. She then went on to complaine about having to take me places and me not doing anything on my. That I should have gotten on the bus and left. She complained about how tired she was of looking for gigs for me and that she was overwhelmed with emails and how having me there distracted her from her house keeping. She accused me of complaining too much her country and her cleaning habits. She told me to find my own gigs and she was sick of me singing all day and playing my game. You know, honestly when she mentioned that I should get a job and help her pay her bills, I thought she was joking. Now I knew she wasn't.  After I got her to calm down and listen to me I had to remind her that if she had things lined up for me as she promised then none of this would be a discussion and I reminded her of me asking her plenty of times to forward those busy emails to me which I'd never seen. I asked her what was I supposed to do out here in the woods but practice and entertain myself. As of that day I told her I would learn how to get around since that became a sore spot for her all of a sudden. I never did understand what set her off day. I was even more shocked to learn that the bus ended at 5pm. Where the Hell was I supposed to go?
 The weeks that followed gave her time to calm down and apppoligize to me. I asked her if I could user her address to have a card sent to me. I hoped she would be alright with it since I had long been ordering houshold goods to the house us to use. {Hold on that, it's important for later}. Mind you, I got there April 24th and this was mid May by then. My birthday was quickly approaching and the band was rehearsing once a week and she and I split the costs and some days I bought gas or petrol as they call it. The day of my birthday the poor girl had a horrible tooth ache and I had been given a chance to audition for X Factor's producers. She made me a cake and gave me a nice card. We were good. She was looking pretty beat up with pain the day of the pre auditon so I told her I would let her know how it went when I came back.
 When I came back she was gone. She left to go stay at her god-daughters for a few nights. She came back June 3rd and was in a great mood. She cooked diner and we all had a nice evening with her family. I had no idea what was coming next or how it would reshape how I see the world and myself for that matter. The next morning I awoke to stomping and doors slamming. 
  My phone  was pinging with notifications and messages from Facebook! It seams that Donna had started a fight with my friend Missy who befriended Donna when she stayed at my house the month of December.  Looking at it I didn't understand it and it makes no sense to this day! Donna went on Missy's page and called her a racist! It was over her post she made in support of Native Americans over a disrespectful journalist. Somehow My Name got dragged into by Donna. While I was in the kitchen cleaning up and reading this mess I hear her car pull into the driveway. When she comes in she walks past the kitchen into the den and says "Burgandy, we need to talk!" I'm like "yeah! What was that all about?" She goes on to explain how my friend is a racist and how she no longer feels safe coming to my house in the states because my friend has a key to it and she's a retired cop. I try to calm her down and reassure her that it's to easy for her not to have the key and she would never do anything like that over a disagreement. I told her that she totally misunderstood that post and that my friends own grandmother and family was white even though she is black therefore could never actually be racist. I told her that trying to drag my name throught the mud was uncalled for and a bit of a stretch to say she was taking care of me and I was living off of her. Especially since I pay my way even though that wasn't our deal and I didn't do that to her when she was at my place.  Then she starts yelling again and how I remained calm after all the craziness she was saying, I have no idea. She then said she was never going back to my place and she wanted me out of her house. I was shocked! I tried to calm her down because she was taking it too far. I tried get her to take some time and lets talk bout this when emotions aren't so high but she wasnt having it! "I already talked to my soliciter and he said I am within my rights to put you out on the street because we don't have a contract" she said. "Well then I need time to get my ticket, you should pay for it since you're putting me out without real reason or notice". I said to her. Which she replied "you have rich friends, have them pay for it! You're a grown ass woman, figure it out!" She replied. At that point I saw there was no reasoning with her so I said "Fine" and went upstairs to pack plan my next move. I immediatly video called my friends back home and wrote a long FB post pleading for help to get me away from this mad woman and the unbelieavable situation. 
  My post sparked a storm of outrage from my friends! I had tagged every musician I had met, incuding my backgroud singers in order to get some help. Donns was alerted to my post by her friends and stormed upstairs to yell at me. "How dare you slag me off on Facebook and tag my friends! You've got one hour to get out of my house or I'm calling the constables". At the point she called me everything from bitch to nigger! 

28 Comments

2/15/2019 1 Comment

2018 Taught Me

 Forgive my absence. I have been busy and lazy and up and down for an entire year. I can really say that it grew me up. The hardships and lessons were fuel to my fire for 2019 for sure. Let me dial it back a bit to give you some details.
In the beginning of 2018 i was planning my exploratory trip to the UK. To stay with my would be "London" manager that i met the year before while busking in Central Park in NY. She and i had so many plans ahead but before I left I had a chance to be in an amazing show called 'Queens of Soul" show that was filled with some killer women singing some of the greatest hits known to man. Then in April i was off to see my God daughter's new little family. I am now officially a "Fairy God Mother"! What else can I call myself? My little girl had a beautiful cherub of a baby boy! After being with them for 3 weeks, with anxiety I packed for London.

I wont use her name but the "manager" and I had already made arrangements and agreements for my arrival which thankfully I have in my inbox forever. She gave me great news of studio work she had lined up for me and venues waiting to book me. She said they were waiting on my arrival before they sent the contracts. I thought that was fair. The manager and U agreed that after I flew myself over to London she would pick me up and that she had permission from her new job to take the time to do so. I would stay in her bedroom and she had single handedly turned her shed into a livable room that she adored. The thought of her sleeping out there worried me but assured me it was fine and she loved it. So, I spent the money from my last show on the ticket back to London! WOOOHOOO!
I was so excited and nervous! Can I make it as a singer in the UK? I had lots of doubts but also a lot of support and assurance that I could do it. Some of my friends were not happy with my living arrangement and lack of contracts but I assured them it would work out. The manager and I had agreed that (mostly under her insistence) that she would work for free as my manager by taking no cuts until my 3rd gig, giving me a chance to put money aside to create a UK bank account. It felt good to have her so positive and ready to work.
As soon as I landed I contacted her and called her many times, soon in a panick because she wouldn't answer. By the time she did I had a bad feeling. She messaged me and said her friend said he might could get me but she could not leave work to get me. Of course I am upset a bit because she assured me she was free and clear. I even had her on the phone helping me pick the flight so I would not be an inconvenience. So much for that. She told me get a cab to her place. Then i got mad! I told her I was penny pinching till my first gig. Plus her home was an hour away! She told me she left me 30p (pounds) on the kitchen counter. The cab cost 85p. She also said she had spoken to the cab company and they told her it was 30p. They guy at the desk said there was no way anyone would have said that since it was an hour away. So I had no choice but to take a cab. Now I know the most judgmental of you will say "what kind of adult leaves a country with almost no money and depending on a stranger". I know you're thinking it because my friend said the same thing. I will say the same to you as them, "A woman with a dream and nothing much to lose or live for but her dream". After I got to her house I had calmed down. I didn't have time or the convince to hold a grudge so I unpacked and waited for her or her son to come home.  
I was alone at her house a lot. She lived in a pretty rural area. She let me drive her car but it was risky because the gas meter was broken. She told me "if it breaks down just leave it on the side of the road. I don't want it anyway." I kept close to the house with that warning. I had no intention of walking those roads as a stranger and the only person of color I had seen. She told me about the kids that used to harass a family that moved there and I certainly didn't need that kind of drama so far from home.  As the weeks went by the only thing I had done was an appearance at her friends Jam Night and did a paid feature of 35 quid in Clacton. I did meet some great musicians there and that's where the idea of creating my Aretha Franklin tribute band was given to me by a great bass player. On that night we ended up recruiting band members. It was also suggested that we check out a nice venue that would love to have me. I don't remember the name of it because I never got to go to it.
  In the weeks that followed I now had a purpose because she didn't have any of the work for me she promised while I was back in the states. I would practice all day! Eventually she asked me not to practice when her son came home because he wanted peace when he came home. That was fair. I stayed in that room for most of the day when I wasn't out with dogs or cleaning up after them. I noticed that the lights would cut off every week and when she told me of the pay per use system they had I gladly chipped in on the lights and even the food when we shopped. But the day the prince got married, everything changed

1 Comment

10/4/2017 2 Comments

I was a Diva!

On Monday's I usally sing in Times Square to make aomw extra cash or I hope open mics and support fellow singers band nights. Oh but this Monday I had my own gig! GIGITTY! I was invited to join a show called Diva, hosted by this amazing singer namec Marty at a club called "Industry"! The house performers on this particular night were 3 Broadway pros! One of which I had coincindetly started following earlier this year on twitter by the name of Lisa Rame. She rocks a natural mohawk! LOVE HER! But this night was full of surpises.
​ When I I walked in I heard my name called from a familiar face. It was Vince! (he sings) And he told me that Darius was on the way! These guys I met from being at Ashford & Simpsons Sugar Bar for these last 3 years. Honestly as much as I advertise my events I learned long ago not to expect anyone to show up. Don't misinderstand though. I do have friends here that come to shows but it was even hard to get family back home to even come out even if I was in their neighborhood. So I was so happy to see them! The show was short and I was up, second set.
I sang "Im Every Woman and Bang Bang. WHAT WAS I THINKING? I forget that breathing is still a problem and I should not be trying to dance. SMH I ran out of breath on a few lines and almost passed out on Bang Bang but the crowd had no idea. The crowd went wild for my performance! They tipped me! I got money on the stage! Some guy handed me a 20! Ok, now I know how Drag Queens feel! Did I mention that this place was a very gay hotspot? I live! As much as thos gemini loves attention on stage, I waa in hog heaven! People were dancing in front of the stage! One person gpt to carried away and had to be shood away because "she" was trying to steal my shine. Lol I had a ball! Oh wait! I didn't tell you the biggest shock of the night!
During the break of act 1, a fight broke out! Some drunk guy called the bouncer "Nigger"! There were quite a few people outside smoking when it happened. (Not me) The amazing thing is that the guy at the door didn't have to move one muscel. All the white gays outside beat up the heckler! (Also white) They told him that he will not use that kind of language in here! LOL They really beat him up and his friends put him in a cab tto shew hom off to safety. The guy kept trying to fight the crowd. Smh. BUT, all in all it was an amazing night! LOVE WINS AND MUSIC RULES!
2 Comments

10/1/2017 3 Comments

Living With It

Over the last year I have slowly gained all the weight i lost during dialysis. I thought I was in the clear you know, home free and healthy! I was,so wrong. I ended up in Back School for back problems since i wasnt moving around a lot. You know the saying "if you dont have no money, then you should stay home"? I live by that! LOL So, i was home a lot besides constant doctors appointments and gigs. But the gigs picked up and so did I.
I have been able to say `"`BOOKED" all this year plus I traveled! All the while gaining the lbs. Now, I haven't been over eating (I don't think) but I can not exercise! Every time i have worked out body reacted abnormally. At first all I did was walking arounf NYC and that is work. I built up the strength in my legs and butt. I was proud of myself for it. My stamina was better but the asthma got worse. I am on regular asthma treatment now. All is well right? Wrong.
  1. Just over a month ago I got hit with another episode of rhabdomyolysis. This time it attacked all the nice firm muscles I had in my legs and butt leaving me weak and off centered sometimes. I am waiting to get surgery done for weight loss and this has pushed me away from my weight loss goals for surgery. The doctor says I can only work out for 5 minutes at a time. Smh Who does that? It is driving me crazy because I want to do more. Believe it or not, I like to sweat. Now if I work out for even 30 min my legs swell and I cant walk for 2 or 3 days. I will feel weak and light headed too. Being sick sucks!
  2. I miss other peoples shows and events a lot and I am sure they think Im a liar for not coming. Some days I really just can not leave my apartment because either I'm having a rough breathing day or my legs are not working right. No one can tell from looking at me and I hide it very well. My grandma always said "never look like what youre going through" and I live by it. When it comes to my own gigs I spend days if possible gathering my strength and then I give it my all. No one knows how i suffer the days that follow. Dont get me wrong, I am not complaining at all. I would and will give this musical life all that I have. I just wish I had more to give because I know that I have much more to do.
3 Comments

9/17/2016 0 Comments

To catch you up some more

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9/8/2016 4 Comments

What a difference a year makes!

It's been a year since I have been able to use my site. In that time I have lost and learned much. I ended up back in the shelter for homeless veterans. Once I returned I worked hard toward using the system to acquire stability. There are many programs that are available to keep us off the street and for many, rehabilitation. I looked into to what is called  HUD VASH. This is a section 8 program for veterans. I applied and waited. The mayors office sent a representative to help those of us who already had housing vouchers move out faster. Designated apartments reps from the Bronx came to help them apply and were approving some right on the spot! The ones of us that were still waiting for vouchers had to sit and in frustration because of various issues holding back our progress. The mayors rep was only acting like he was helping us. He wrote notes on our issues of concerns and promised to get back to us. He never did. I called him and left messages for hime that he never returned. For weeks I tried to catch him at the shelter but because of my hectic work schedule I always missed him. This went on for two weeks. When I finally did see him he had no idea who I was or what i was talking about. This was the same the other women. At the time there were only ten of us left in the women's dorm.  I was still working at the security company and singing when I could. I swear, singing at the Sugar Bar doing background vocals made my weeks bearable. The women were told that we had until after Thanksgiving before we were moved. stress of living in that place was starting to turn for the worse for us female veterans.
Word had come from the housing authorities that the women were to be taken out of the facility in Long Island City, Queens and moved to New Lots area of Brooklyn. No one was happy about that! We were forced to move out earlier than expected one Saturday morning.
The particular shelter we were to be moved to was nothing like where we were being housed. The Long Island City veterans shelter provided a more humanistic atmosphere. There are individual cubicles, a desk, a tall wall locker and clean bathrooms and visible security. There is a general level of respect even from the inhabitants, a commonality of sorts. But, Brooklyn offered no such thing. There, an open bay sleeping quarters awaited us with zero privacy. There were ten to a room, five on each side with one waist length wall locker. No one expected to live in the Ritz  being homeless but we at least expected to be safe! There was no safety. Security was minimal. There were fights all the time between residents. The place looked and felt like a prison. Being that I worked nights it was especially hard on me. During the day I use to be able to sleep at the previous shelter but not here. There were no walls beside me to keep me safe from the next person. The other women would yell of bang into my bed to wake me up, then would quiet down when I was startled awake. There was no peace. One day as I was showering, someone stole my shirt right off the rack outside the stall. The place often ran out of toilet tissue. I had to turn in the sheets they gave me multiple times because they weren't clean. There was always something stuck to it or stained onto it. I was constantly spraying  my area with lysol. Some people had the their entire lives packed under their beds. I had to stuff all I had into that tiny wall locker. Even my shower shoes because I knew it could be stolen. I was beginning to feel more desperate than I ever had in LIFE!
4 Comments

9/9/2015 1 Comment

WHILE TIME PASSED

1 A lot has happened since I was on last. I had a BIRTHDAY! MAY 31st! I started my day hanging out with Alex. I wanted to go walk across         the Brooklyn Bridge.  We walked around the park area and around the neighborhood. There are a lot of concerts over there I learned. I love the area! It is of course, super expensive there but the view so close to the water is refreshing. After I left Alex I went to see Ramon Perrio perform at a small club in Brooklyn. It was very cozy. The name escapes me though. There,I met Melyssa Ford (video vixen turned tv show host). She was there in support of him. I was invited there by him and his then boyfriend Karl. After the show I was treated to drinks at a hooka lounge. I don't smoke but i wasn't ready to go home so how could I say no? I tried the hooka thingy. Did not like it. I did get good and tipsy though. We danced. We laughed and I got a ride home via Uber. The drama of the night happened before I left though. Karl broke up with Ramon right outside the restaurant! He took the poor unsuspecting guys jewelry right off him and told him "its over"! Then he come back in like nothing happened! STUNNED!  The days that followed was nothing but a lot of work trying to get in as many hours as I could because I was told about a great opportunity on an apartment and i needed a deposit. Plus my baby girl was coming to see me!


     My goddaughter Teá came to NYC to spend a weekend with me at the end of June! She was as excited as I was according to her mom. (my ex best friend) I was so excited that I could barely sleep. But somehow I did.I slept right passed my alarm clock. In a total panic I flew out of the house to the bus. The closer I got to the airport the more crazy i became. 9am flight with me at the train station at 8:30 and theres not a bus in sight! I jumped into a cab! As we were about to enter the highway she called to tell me she had landed. Can you say relieved?  I kept envisioning her walking around the airport looking for me. (i drive myself insane sometimes) I got to baggage claim but couldn't  stand still so i went to stand at the entry way of the unboarding area. She calls me and says she's at baggage claim on the other end. When I saw her i hugged her way too hard (practically carried her2 feet) and gave her a big kiss on the cheek! My high school graduate big girl! She's stunning! Her eyes lit when I said "lets go shopping". We walked the hell out of our shoes! Why don't teenagers want to spend their own money? She broke me all the way down. We ate some West Indian food and some cheesecake one day, killed my stomach so bad that on her last day I had to stay home. She on the other hand felt confident enough to go out on her own and double back to the places she liked. I am extra proud of her.
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8/18/2015 0 Comments

Wed, Sep 10, 2014

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8/18/2015 1 Comment

Stood Up By Nobody

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5/26/2015 0 Comments

Feeling Awful

Well, I talked to the kid about her coming here and booked her flight! We are going to have a great time! This is the week before my worldwind week of shows and I'm so sick. I'm tired half the time.  My head is heavy and I can hardly breath but I've been good to work at the airport regardless.  Luckily since it's a holiday my posts have been inside.  I need all that sitting down. I only have today left to work after being there and sick for the last 3 days. I'm going to the emergency room tonight after I get off since I have the rest of the week to recover.
  My voice has been so gone that I have been able to vocally rehearse one time. I have back to back work next week! June 2, Brooklyn X Factor!  June 3, Apollo Theater semi finals. June 5, The Wiz Auditions for the play and June 6, The Wiz Audition for the TV show. Why did I agree to go to work on the 2nd and 3rd? Oh, because I desperately need money.  SMH. I do have something else to look forward to, A possible apartment in Harlem! I need to find the deposit of $875 stat! All I have is my rent for this month at the house.  I néed a quick loan. Time to make some calls and see if I can get some help. I have money coming in soon just have to wait for it. This apartment won't wait long though.  HEEEELP
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