Living With It

Over the last year I have slowly gained all the weight i lost during dialysis. I thought I was in the clear you know, home free and healthy! I was,so wrong. I ended up in Back School for back problems since i wasnt moving around a lot. You know the saying "if you dont have no money, then you should stay home"? I live by that! LOL So, i was home a lot besides constant doctors appointments and gigs. But the gigs picked up and so did I.
I have been able to say `"`BOOKED" all this year plus I traveled! All the while gaining the lbs. Now, I haven't been over eating (I don't think) but I can not exercise! Every time i have worked out body reacted abnormally. At first all I did was walking arounf NYC and that is work. I built up the strength in my legs and butt. I was proud of myself for it. My stamina was better but the asthma got worse. I am on regular asthma treatment now. All is well right? Wrong.

1. Just over a month ago I got hit with another episode of rhabdomyolysis. This time it attacked all the nice firm muscles I had in my legs and butt leaving me weak and off centered sometimes. I am waiting to get surgery done for weight loss and this has pushed me away from my weight loss goals for surgery. The doctor says I can only work out for 5 minutes at a time. Smh Who does that? It is driving me crazy because I want to do more. Believe it or not, I like to sweat. Now if I work out for even 30 min my legs swell and I cant walk for 2 or 3 days. I will feel weak and light headed too. Being sick sucks!
   
2. I miss other peoples shows and events a lot and I am sure they think Im a liar for not coming. Some days I really just can not leave my apartment because either I'm having a rough breathing day or my legs are not working right. No one can tell from looking at me and I hide it very well. My grandma always said "never look like what youre going through" and I live by it. When it comes to my own gigs I spend days if possible gathering my strength and then I give it my all. No one knows how i suffer the days that follow. Dont get me wrong, I am not complaining at all. I would and will give this musical life all that I have. I just wish I had more to give because I know that I have much more to do.