I was so worried about how to tell my goddaughter about me not coming home. I am thankful that I have amazing friends that help me keep my wits about me. So in preparing her for the news I got the brilliant idea to bring her here to New York as a graduation and birthday gift for a few days! I called and spoke to her mom (my ex best friend) (long story) #shutup and it just so happened that she and her husband were in the car together.  I asked if it was cool with them of I bring her here and I wasn't coming.  So glad they had no problem with it! I asked her mom not to mention it to her because I wanted to tell her myself.  I couldn't wait to get off work!  I was working at the airport and didn't wasn't planning on getting off till 7 and her mom said she should be home by then. I got off early!  I was off by 5:30pm! I couldn't wait to call but still kind of dreading it. My Co workers aid not to phrase it as "bad news". He said to say "I've got some good news and I've got some goooooood news, which do you want to hear first "? I did it just like that. (still nervous). So I told her of the amazing opportunities I had lined up right around her graduation and that it could be big news for me but it also meant that I wouldn't be able to make her graduation.  She got quiet on me so I quickly added that to make it up to her I am flying her to NYC for a few days.  She brightened up then! First thing she said was, "when "? LOL.  I wanted to shoot for before school starts but she surprised me with she's going to FL for a month! In July!  Now I asked her mother if the girl had any plans and she said no so that irritated me a bit but I moved on quickly from it. Looks like the kid will be here in June!  I'm thinking the last week for about 3 days. I told her that we'll talk about it specifically soon. I could here how happy she was. Made my day! Things looked up from there!
  That call was last Thursday so of course I went to my happy place! The Sugar Bar was packed as usual.  I made my rounds of hellos and talked to two of the most stylish hostesses I know. They are going to help me get myself together for Brooklyn X Factor!  Shinuh and Sha are very talented ladies in fashion and makeup. Shinuh is also an artist like myself plus she models! They are now my team! That had me super geeked! I sat at the bar in the upstairs "Cat Lounge " and waited for my name to be called for open mic. The amazing Chandler and his wife Karen were hosting this week.  Karen has given me a lot of advice on my performance.  I totally adore her!
  By  the time they called me down I had decided to dust off my jazz and sing "All of Me". When I say on fire! I mean the crowd was HOT! There were people actually dancing in their seats! I felt it! So much joy from my heart! Karen had never seen me like that before.  Mostly because I get nervous singing in front of her because she awes me. She was on her feet! Cheering for me?! Then I heard someone yell "Do another one"! Then a few other people said it too! I'm sure one of them was Alan Fox.  LOL He's been a big support to me since my first night there. It was his birthday so I dedicated the song to him. I sung "If Only You Knew " to honor him. He is the president of Mrs. Pattie Labelle fan  club after all. I was so high from the ovation I could have flown home on my own arms! LOL!  By the time I thanked everyone and made it back upstairs Mrs. Simpson was at the bar having her dinner.  She said to me "I love it when you sing that song"! She told Terrell at the bar to give me a drink,  on her! I wasn't gonna drink at all but oh well! LOL! After speaking a little more I jokingly said I would love to have a night to myself there and she said to speak with Jimmy (her brother that does the booking)  and do it. I could have fainted!  My roommate Jacob was with me and he was excited for me and with me! There are no words!  I mean NONE! Last week was epic to me!
This week is all about planning!  Today is another Thursday. I was informed on Tuesday to that there is going to be an audition for The Wiz put on by Faison Firehouse Theater! I'm getting ready for that one! This morning I am learning "Be a Lion". I'm going to be Dorothy.  Wanted to my whole life! Hell,  I feel like I am now "in this brand new world".  On top of that I must sell a lot of tickets (30) for the Brooklyn X Factor.     They are really pressing.
Tickets for Brooklyn X Factor

Brooklyn's X Factor Finale is soon upon me. June 2 at NYSEC in Manhattan!  The very next day June 3rd is the semi finals for Apollo Theater!  But right before it all is my first Goddaughter's high-school graduation back in GA! I am torn! I so want to go back home and be there for her but I have so much to do and it's cutting things very close. My birthday is also that weekend on May 31st.  I don't want to spend it alone in NYC.  I'm in knots trying to make the right decision. My goodness!  She wants me to see her graduate as much as I want to witness it! I don't want to let her down. This contest has become about money in the end.If I win it's $5000 but I have to sell 30 tickets at $29. I also want people to come support me at the Apollo the next day. I really don't think anyone will do both so what do I ask support for more? The Apollo Finals (should I make it that far) will be 10 grand in October. That is HUGE! Especially since I won't be getting the apartment under the housing lottery.  I'm so stressed out today just thinking of it all. But in case you're reading this, buy a ticket to the Brooklyn X Factor to come see me.
TICKETS TO SEE BURGANDY

Ok I need to catch yall up again. As it turns out, I was a bit too paranoid. That last show was better than I thought.  I threw in the towel needlessly.  I was told the next week that I was coming to rehearsals for the Finals and to pick out my songs! I was also told that I came in first place evwn though I had left. (egg on face) I learned a very valuable lesson about believing in myself.  I have never freaked out before like I did.  No idea why now. The following week I and the other contestants opened for Lyfe Jennings!  This dude was so cool! He even photo bombed me! His album releases in June. I will be sure to get it.  I have definitely been on a roll.
  I promised a guy I know that I would do his fashion show. By do, I mean sing at it. I'm no runway model. Now this face on the other hand! LOL I could do print. LOL  His show was titles "Don't Judge Me " and it was a hit! There were many designers and different plus size and outlets from makeup to magazines!  I had no idea there was so much of a world for plus sized women!  It was magical and beautiful!   I even got a few great contacts and possible gigs from it.  I,  being the fool that I am tried to model walk and almost twisted my ankle on my pant leg. Had to twirl to try and play it off. LOL If you see the  picture of me. I styled and made up myself.  That Orange piece was from Andre! May he forever rest in love. I will add a link from my Facebook and Instagram account so you can see clips. Aside from that I've been working. A lot.
  I'm doing split shifts between the airport and world trade center.  Last weekend I got off from the airport from an overnight shift at 6am and made it into work at the World Trade Center by 8am. Can you say pressing on?! In eight shades of tired most days but I have been pushing it really hard and my body isn't in agreement with it. I've had to miss a few amazing events because of sheer exhaustion. I also started working out with the roomy in the back yard.  This asthma is working against me though.  I may have to move it indoors.  Wish me luck!
Promo for Brooklyn X Factor

It's been an interesting month.  Not enough to post day to day but none the less it's life. I had an opportunity to open for the R&B singer Case at Milk River in Brooklyn and I've been back to Cafe Wha to sing. The manager never called me back to join the band.  He said it's because I don't hang around enough.  Now he says he has to see me more than my audition. So, what was the audition for? Idk.  There are bigger issues going on.
  Tragedy has struck the Sugar Bar family. The elustrious host of Thursday nights, Andre Smith has past away.  I went to see him before he died but he was in a coma. I sat and sang to him and talked but I don't think he heard me.  Two days later,  he passed on. The shock of it has me dazed. How can I feel so much love for someone I've known so little of a time?  Facebook is full of his face and stories of him. He used to sing back up for Roberta Flack and so many more. I think of the stories he told me when he took me shopping and I miss him. He was good to me because he genuinely cared. He showed true friendship. I really wanted to cook him up one of my fattening breakfasts and hang out more. He was looking into getting me a place in his building.  Such a kind soul and wonderful musical talent.  I can't cry.  my makeup is too pretty. 
  I'm on my way to do Brooklyn's X Factor semi finals. Andre was gonna try to come. . I'm doing Bang Bang by Jessie J. I will perform my heart out tonight in honor of Andre.

UPDATE

IT WAS AWFUL.  The band was too fast and I couldn't slow them down. Background singers didn't know it and I fucked up the rap. Straight toung tied. I've never felt to stupid on stage in my life. Raekwon from Wutang is here tonight and I've embarrassed myself in front of him. The place is packed too! I will probably never show my face here again.

All day I have lounged and slept while basking in the greatness of last night.  I'm going to the final round of Brooklyn's X Factor!  As I revel in the views my video's and blog are getting I received an email. I can almost say I've won the lottery!  Housing lottery that is. As soon as I arrived in NYC I applied for apartments within the housing authority lottery.  There are brand new buildings in nice areas being built in multiple burrows in New York.  A few people have said that it's a snow balls chance and some wait for  years to hear back but I received an email around January saying my application was pulled. Ten thousand applications were submitted for that location!  I just got a new email to schedule my appointment to meet and review for my first New York residents!  Not a room but an entire apartment and at an affordable rate! I'm talking Georgia prices! All I need to do now is gather my paperwork.  YIPPEEEEEEE!

I've been up and busy today!  I actually tried to style my hair! I haven't taken down the twists yet nor put on my makeup but I accidentally went shopping.  I was supposed to get a mani-pedi and exchange a dress but ended up with two dresses,  shirt,  blouse,  pants and makeup.  SMH.  I think I finally like shopping,  just not with other people.  Now I have to do my own nails.  SMH. 
UPDATE
I scared myself and rushed out of the house!  I don't know why I thought I had to be here by 6:30pm.  I ran down the bus from my house (bout to die for breath) and tried to speed walk in my red wedges.  I come in and the director says "Wow you're early ". So now I'm sitting hear jamming to "Doves Cry" by Prince and waiting for my guest list to get here.
LAST UPDATE

When I say long! WHEW! It was a lot of singers. But good ones! I was so thrilled that my Sugar Bar family came out to support me! 5 out of the 10 on my guest list! (pats self on back) They helped keep me calm.  This time I just ate some fish balls. Tried to keep it simple.  (still hungry)  I sung "Tired" but Kelly Price tonight.  No bug flew up my nose this time! (thankfully)! The judges came from Epic and Universal records this round. They gave me positive feedback. Cheryl Pepsi Riley was also a judge and she had nothing but good things to say about me. #swoon They all pointed out my gospel feel and liked it. Lol Called me a flat footed singer. Wait till you see the lighting I got! 6 of us advanced to the next round. I'm in it for another round of semi finals! I placed 3rd!
Click this link for Brooklyn X Factor

So I got written up today at work from an incident on Saturday.  This other guard told me "go opposite me so we can watch the construction workers from both sides and of anything comes behind you (plane)  I'll tell you and you tell me if something is coming behind me " she says. Long story short, wing of a plane goes over my head and I get wrote up for being inattentive at work. How can I see what's coming from behind me?! And why is this bitch not written up? She had the nerve to say I should have been paying attention.  WTF! The next day she acted like she wanted to fight me in the locker room for not saying excuse me because she was blocking me from leaving the room! 
ANYWAYS! I'm not gonna let this spoil the rest of my day. I have a sound check to get to. Whew!  It must be Monday.
UPDATE
I really rushed to make it to sound check on time!  I was super happy because Alex was meeting me there and we're hanging out the rest of the evening!  Gotta love that Serbian accent! He is wowing women with that and his simple charm. His dating life is picking up a lot faster than my own. Smh.  How sis I get on this subject?  You sidetracked me?! Tsk Tsk Tsk.  AAANYWAY! 
Once I got there and it was finally my time to practice I was a little let down.  Of the two songs I was told to deliver them,  my second song was picked for me to sing. I really had my heart set on doing Kelly Price's song "Tired " but they chose "And I'm Telling You". Luckily it was able to talk them out of it. I really didn't want to if i didnt have to. There a lot of indi artists and I didn't want to seem too predictable.  As the MD works out learning the song (on the spot) for me I get my mind right. No flat notes!  So, I'm singing the intro to the song and a bug Flys up my nose! I almost choked trying to make sure to blow him out without spraying the microphone.  Everyone is cracking up laughing as I bat at my nose and wipe snot from above my lip. I'm screaming "I need a napkin"! And someone rushes to my rescue.  LOL! Do I know how to make an impression or what?! It took another attempt and we got through most of my song. I was assured that the bridge would be finished in time for me to sing tomorrow So me and Alex left. Fortunately we weren't far from his place!  His neighborhood has good soul food! We both got so stuffed I almost fell asleep on his futon.  I made it home though.  Let's see how fast I can fall asleep now.

You know that feeling.  It's a flutter in your chest and a swirl in your stomach. It's a catch in your breath with sweat on your hands. In two days I enter into showdown in Brooklyn.  I'm a contestant in Brooklyn's X Factor at Milk River restaurant and lounge.  Last week the place was so packed that people were turned away at the door.  A few days ago the producer of the show called me and asked for a guest list of 10 or a $99 entry fee. Who does that last minute?  I was excited up till then I don't know if I can get 10 people but I'll try. I certainly don't have an extra $99 laying around.  April will be the first time I'm paying rent and I'm strapped for cash. He told me to do the best I could with the guest list and not to worry  but Idk.  I'm worried. None of this information was given to me last month or at any time before now. Makes me wonder if this is all being made up as they go along.  There are a few celebrity judges and now they are adding a crowd participation part. It's happening on Tuesday night with a sound. check on Monday.  I decided to break out Kelly Price's song Tired.  Haven't done that in a while.I hope the background singers know it.

I have been in pain for the last 2 days. After being awake over 24 hours with little water may have tipped the scale. The pain in my back is more acute when I inhale.  It's in my back yet I feel it when I lay down on my stomach,  side it back. I was supposed to go be seen after work today but I went home and took a shower.  Then the headache started so I layed down. How come people call out of the blue when you want to sleep? lol Its always good to hear a familiar voice though.  I awoke finally around 9pm and had to rush out. So here I am. Waiting on urinalysis.
UPDATE
The doctor said it's a muscle pain and want me to take a Tylenol.  I will have to see my friends at the Johrei Center tomorrow.  They will love this. They say pain is a sign of spiritual sickness leaving the body.  Let's see. I'm still skeptical but this started after receiving Johrei so...

How is this spring?!  I have to go to the  Johrei center this morning and will have to fight through all this. SMH Wish me luck!