Last night was horrible. The Saturday gig I was supposed to practice for last night was a total disaster. We had our only rehearsal with the artist Tracy Hamlin and let me say that I did not look good. She was visibly disgusted but was nice about it. I feel fully responsible. I recommend Janissa for the gig not realizing that she wasn't ready for such an undertaking. She is when doing solos but can not hear harmonies well. Almost none of her parts came out right. The band members laughed, and Tracy turned her back to us a number of times. She did try giving her the note a few times but it didn't work out. I think in my nervousness about what was going on the that I wasn't even focusing well. I even went sharp once. Now, I don't brag on myself, like ever but I know how to blend and stay on my note but I was completely shaken last night. Everything felt forced when I sang. I lacked the lyrical sound I needed. Although Tracy said she would email me vocals for the song I wasn't sure of, I'm honestly not expecting it. This is the first time that my reputation has been smudged and I don't feel good about it. What's worse is that I was counting on the pay from it to keep my phone on. So, after the 15th, if you don't see anymore posts it's because I didn't have the $200 to pay the bill. If I could donate a kidney right now I would. I feel like I've lost a friend. I am fighting back tears even as I type this. #devastated
No call came so I have no gig Saturday. I don't know what to do now about my phone. I guess I can't be too upset. I lasted 2 months in New York before completely hitting rock bottom.